The first few weeks after bringing a baby home are often described as magical. People talk about the joy, the cuddles, the smell of a newborn’s head. But if you’re reading this with sore eyes, sore nipples, or sore everything, you’re probably wondering when the magic bit starts. Maybe you’re exhausted beyond words. Maybe you feel guilty for not enjoying every second. Maybe you cry and don’t know why. If that’s you – please know this: you are not alone.
I’ve spent many years working with families across the South East, supporting mothers in their postnatal journey after a long NHS career. I’ve seen the truth of what goes on behind those closed doors, after the flowers have wilted and the visitors stop knocking. That truth is this: postpartum recovery is hard. And in far too many cases, women are left to struggle in silence, unsure of who to turn to, or whether it’s even “normal” to feel this way.
The transition to motherhood – whether it’s your first baby or your fourth – is one of the biggest changes a person can go through. Your body, mind, relationships and identity are all shifting, and often, there’s very little structured postnatal support in place. The NHS does its best, but with staff stretched thin and resources under pressure, the follow-up care simply isn’t enough for many new mums. That’s where a doula can make a world of difference.
Let’s talk about the emotional side of postpartum life. Around 50 to 80 percent of new mothers experience the “baby blues” in the first few days after birth. It’s a hormonal dip, often triggered by the sudden drop in oestrogen and progesterone, combined with lack of sleep, physical exhaustion, and the emotional rollercoaster of new parenthood. You might feel weepy, anxious, or overwhelmed by tiny things. This is common – but that doesn’t mean it should be dismissed.
And then there’s postnatal depression. According to the NHS, it affects more than 1 in every 10 women within a year of giving birth, and many cases go undiagnosed. Often, mums are told it’s just part of being tired, or they feel ashamed to admit they’re not coping. But mental health is just as important as physical recovery. Being supported, heard, and reassured can be the difference between barely surviving the fourth trimester and actually starting to feel like yourself again.
A doula provides that gentle, consistent presence in your home when you need it most. It’s not about taking over. It’s about being with you in a way that supports your choices, validates your feelings, and lightens the load. Postnatal help can look very different depending on your needs. One family might need support with feeding, another with rest and sleep, another with confidence and reassurance. It’s never one-size-fits-all.
In my experience, the benefits of having a doula during the postnatal period go far beyond the practical. Yes, I can help with settling the baby, guiding feeding, preparing nourishing meals, or helping you carve out time to rest. But it’s the emotional support that often makes the biggest impact. Knowing there is someone calm, knowledgeable and kind in your corner – someone who’s not judging, not rushing, and not offering unsolicited advice – can ease the mental strain in ways that few other services can.
Let’s also talk about identity. Motherhood can come as a shock to the system. You may feel like you’ve lost a sense of who you are. You might miss your independence, your job, your previous life, or just being able to go to the toilet alone. These are feelings we rarely voice because we’re afraid of being labelled ungrateful or selfish. But they are completely valid. This is where postnatal support makes a real difference – creating space for honest conversations, for acknowledging grief alongside joy, and for healing without judgement.
Here are just some of the ways a doula can help you navigate those difficult early days and weeks:
- Providing a safe space to talk about your birth experience, especially if it didn’t go the way you’d hoped
- Supporting breastfeeding or bottle-feeding with empathy and evidence-based advice
- Helping you recognise signs of postnatal depression or anxiety and guiding you to further help if needed
- Encouraging rest and recovery with practical help around the home
- Reassuring you that your feelings are normal and that you are doing an incredible job
It’s not just about the baby. It’s about you. Your body is healing, your hormones are fluctuating, and you are learning a new way of life with very little rest. And yet, we often expect mothers to bounce back quickly, smile for the visitors, and carry on as though nothing monumental has happened.
That’s why investing in postnatal help isn’t a luxury – it’s a necessity for so many families. Whether it’s a short-term need or more ongoing support, the right care can make a world of difference to your recovery, wellbeing, and confidence as a parent.
One of the services we offer at Postnatal Helping Hands is specialist doula support in Surrey. This includes flexible visits based on your needs, whether you want someone to support you emotionally, help you establish feeding, or simply be a calming presence in the home. For mums who are struggling physically or emotionally, we also offer postnatal healing and recovery treatments designed to restore balance, energy and confidence.
Every family deserves tailored, compassionate care after bringing a new baby into the world. And while each journey is different, what remains constant is the value of being supported by someone who truly understands the ups and downs of postpartum life. Whether you’re recovering from a challenging birth, juggling the needs of multiple children, or simply feeling low and wondering when things will feel normal again – please know that help is available.
You don’t have to go through this alone. You don’t have to keep it all together for everyone else. The idea that you have to be “strong” and just get on with it is outdated and harmful. There is strength in asking for support. There is strength in saying, “I’m not okay today.” And there is enormous strength in allowing someone to care for you while you care for your baby.
So if the reality of early motherhood isn’t matching the fantasy you were promised, please take heart. You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re simply going through one of life’s biggest transitions. With the right support, it does get easier. You will feel more like yourself again. And you deserve every bit of help along the way.